Self-Help Isn’t Helping Your Anxiety - Do This Instead
Anxiety is everywhere. It creeps into our work, relationships, and even casual moments like scrolling through social media. But is anxiety something we should fight against or is it trying to help us?
The instinctive reaction to anxiety is often to suppress it, treat it as a malfunction, or medicate it away.
But what if anxiety isn’t a flaw in your brain but a built-in survival mechanism that’s just… misfiring?
Understanding this distinction is the first step in managing it effectively. And never has this become more important in the queer community like now.
Why Anxiety Exists: A Misunderstood Alarm System
Anxiety, at its core, is not an enemy - it’s an evolutionary advantage.
It exists to protect us.
Imagine walking alone at night when you suddenly hear footsteps behind you.
Your heart rate spikes, your muscles tense, and your brain floods with adrenaline.
Is it an immediate alert? That’s anxiety doing its job - getting you ready to fight or flee.
But here’s where it gets tricky: Our modern world is full of triggers that set off this same response, even when no real danger exists.
A critical email from your boss.
A text left on “read.”
A social media post that makes you feel behind in life.
A derogatory comment while walking to work.
Your brain reacts as if survival is on the line.
When anxiety becomes chronic - constantly switched “on” - it stops being helpful.
Instead of protecting you, it paralyzes you.
How Your Brain Processes Anxiety: The Two Pathways
Your brain has two main ways of processing anxiety: the “Shortcut” and the “High Road.”
The Shortcut: This is the fast-track response, controlled by the amygdala (the emotional center of your brain). It reacts before you even have time to think, which is why anxiety often feels instant and overwhelming.
The High Road: This path takes a detour through the neocortex, the logical part of your brain. It helps you assess whether there’s an actual threat - or if your brain is overreacting.
For people with severe anxiety, the Shortcut dominates, making it difficult to apply logic to emotions.
They get stuck in a cycle where fear takes over before rational thinking has a chance to intervene.
So, How Do You Manage Anxiety?
Instead of trying to eliminate anxiety entirely, the goal is to recalibrate it - to make sure it works for you, not against you.
Recognize the Pattern: Start by noticing when your anxiety spikes. Is it responding to a real danger or an imagined one? Awareness is the first step in breaking the cycle.
Use Mindfulness as a Disruptor: Meditation, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation can help slow down your nervous system. These techniques shift control away from the amygdala and back to your rational brain.
Rewire Your Reactions: Therapy can help you challenge anxious thoughts and develop better coping mechanisms. The goal is to train your brain to take the High Road more often.
Anxiety vs. Depression: The Fine Line Between Overwhelm and Shutdown
Anxiety and depression are often mentioned together because they frequently coexist. This is especially common in the LGBTQ+ community.
But while anxiety is an overactive alarm system, depression is more like a system shutdown.
Sadness is a natural reaction to life’s struggles, but when it lingers too long, it can turn into depression, making even basic tasks feel impossible.
Knowing whether you’re experiencing anxiety (too much activation) or depression (too little) is key to managing your mental health effectively.
The Chimp Paradox: Understanding Your Emotional Triggers
Dr. Steve Peters’ Chimp Paradox model explains why we sometimes feel out of control emotionally.
It divides our mind into three key players:
The Chimp: The emotional, impulsive part of your brain that reacts instantly.
The Human: The logical, rational thinker that helps you process reality.
The Computer: The storage system for your habits and past experiences, influencing how you respond automatically.
The next time anxiety flares up, ask yourself:
Is my Chimp in charge right now? Or am I letting my Human take control?
Simply recognizing who’s driving your reactions can help you regain balance.
When to Seek Help
If anxiety or depression is interfering with your ability to function, it’s worth seeking professional help.
Therapy, medication, and evidence-based interventions can provide relief.
Whether you choose to work with me or another mental health professional, support is available - and it makes a difference.
Final Thought: Anxiety Isn’t the Enemy - Mismanagement Is
Instead of viewing anxiety as something to be “cured,” see it as a tool that needs fine-tuning.
When you understand why it happens and how to regulate it, anxiety stops feeling like a constant battle and - starts becoming something you can work with.
Managing anxiety isn’t about eliminating it.
It’s about making sure it serves you - not the other way around.
See you next week!
P.S.
Tired of consuming self-help advice that never really changes how you feel about yourself?
You don’t need more “how-to” tips - you need clarity on why your self-esteem feels so fragile and what’s actually keeping you stuck.
That’s where real change happens.
If you’re ready to stop overthinking and start rebuilding your confidence in a way that actually lasts, let’s talk.
I have limited spots available for one-on-one sessions where we’ll unpack what’s holding you back and create a path forward that actually works.
No more second-guessing. No more cycles of avoidance. Just real support that meets you where you are.
Reply to this email with “Self-Esteem Session,” and I’ll send you the booking link.